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communicates comfort, discomfort or preference in play

Observe whether the child: communicates comfort, discomfort or preference in play.

What it looks like

Three ways this behaviour shows up as a child grows. Each level includes everyday moments to watch for.

Emerging

Just starting

With familiar support, the child starts to communicate feelings or needs before the moment escalates during waiting, comfort, conflict, or settling. Evidence is a small observable action, word, gesture, choice, or pause rather than a sustained pattern.

What you might see

  • The child lets an adult offer two choices and reaches for one.
  • The child holds a comfort object after a noisy moment and stays nearby while settling.
  • The child points to a wanted object rather than grabbing after an adult pauses the play.

Expected

On track

The child carries the behaviour into real play or routine without waiting for every step to be named. One detail is adjusted when the situation changes.

What you might see

  • The child names disappointment and accepts a plan for a later turn.
  • The child tells a peer “I’m still using it” and waits beside the adult for support.
  • The child asks for a cuddle, drink, or space and then returns to the activity.

Exceeding

Going further

The child checks the effect of the action and revises in view of others. The response shows ownership and flexibility.

What you might see

  • The child suggests a repair, such as giving back the toy and trying a different role.
  • The child notices frustration early, takes space, and comes back with a calmer voice.
  • The child comforts another child, then checks with an adult before touching or moving them.

Try this at home

Small everyday moments where you can notice this behaviour without setting up anything special.

  • Prepare waiting, comfort, conflict, or settling with two options: quiet cushion and timer. Notice selection, testing, refusal, repair, or return.

  • Use a photo afterward and ask what happened; listen for sequence, cause, feeling, place, person, or symbol links.

Where this comes from

The dataset source and any supporting developmental research.

  • Ministry of Education. (2017). Te Whāriki: He whāriki mātauranga mō ngā mokopuna o Aotearoa: Early childhood curriculum.

    The bicultural early childhood curriculum of Aotearoa New Zealand. Te Tāhuhu o te Mātauranga (NZ Ministry of Education), 2017 revision.